Thursday, 22 December 2011

In what state will I be....?

Today I share some thoughts with you that run through my head
This is what I so often think as I lay here on my bed
What would I be doing and in what state will I be....

That day when Malak ul-Maut will approach me?
For surely he will knock on my door, oh so suddenly
My choice of place or time, it's not going to be

On the day that I meet him, what will I do?
Theres no hiding that day, no one to run to
What will be my response to him? O What will I say?
I didn't prepare for this....please come back another day?!

Please go back...go back. I'm just not ready yet!
Just a few more minutes...seconds... any time that I can get!
I would want to say goodbye but he wouldn't let me
I would want another chance but that surely couldn't be

When he will come for me, I wonder, will I be in heedlessness
Worrying little of the hereafter, in my state of carelessness
Or would I be the one who loves and lives upon the Sunnah?
Would the last words on my tongue be la illaaha illAllaah?

Would my kafan be made of silk, being sent from Heaven above?
Would it be so soft, so fragrant, wrapping my soul with love?
Or would it be so rough, so ugly, made of fire from Hell
A wrath, a torment from my Lord, full of nasty smell?

And what would happen when they bury me, six feet underground
When they lay me on my bed of dust, with no one else around
So scared and alone....the thought keeps haunting me
In what state will I be....when the angels will question me?
Will I be able to answer them....the questions they will ask
It seems so easy now....but what a lofty task!

Will I be scared to see them, will they be of horror to me?
Will I be able to bear them, when they sit in front of me?
Will I be able to give them those answers so easily?
Or will I stumble and stagger....not knowing, confusedly?
Will I stutter and stammer just like a hypocrite would?
Or would I be able to respond to them just as a Muslim should?

Will my grave be a piece of Jannah, green and open wide...
with Mercy from my Lord so Kind, my good deeds on my side?
Will I rest in my grave ever so peacefully?
Or will my grave be a wretched place of torture for me?
I pray my grave is not a bed...of torment and agony
I hope so earnestly that my Rabb will forgive me
And when everyone will be raised with the rest of humanity
In what state will I be.....when my Lord will resurrect me?

Will I be pleased to see my Rabb? Will I be eager to greet Him?
But more importantly will HE be pleased with me, the Day I meet Him?

Will my face be black with sin that day or will it be shining white?
Will my scale of deeds weigh heavy for me....would it be feather light?
O where will I run then ...where will I hide? This is what scares me!
 In what state will I be....when the book of deeds is handed to me?

Will it be given in my left hand or I will hold it in my right?
Will I be guided firm on the Siraat; my Imaan so big, so bright?
Will I be among the wretched or will Allaah be pleased with me?
In what state will I be...when I stand in front of the Almighty?

I shudder and I tremble when I think of that Great Day
When I ask myself..."Am I ready to meet my Lord today?"
I cry as I lay here....thinking. I shed my wretched tears
Please forgive me O Allaah, how I wasted all those years

I sinned all my life Yaa Maalik, Oh how I forsook you
Unless you forgive me O Allah, how can I meet you?!
My sins are so heavy Yaa Rabb, I can hardly bear the weight
But I'm hoping for your Mercy, Allaah, don't leave me to my fate

For how long will I live? I don't know when I'll die
But like the prophet said I should expect it so close by

Let me stop this way of life; let me snap out of this trance
Let me turn my life around now that I have this perfect chance
Because today I am closer to my Lord than I was yesterday
Did it ever occur to me that today could be my last day?

Monday, 31 October 2011

The "Whoa!" factor in me

A glance at the mirror yesterday, I saw the reflection of a stressed up hippopotamus wearing a horrible oversized wig and clamped in a tight leather suit, obviously surprised to see me staring at it with my mouth open wide...

Whoa! Congratulations, Ati! You are now a 200lbs heavyweight champion! OMG!

picture source:

Sunday, 23 October 2011

Welcome to Gigapedia

A visiting professor from Indonesia gives us a web address where we can download e-books at no cost at all. He understands that books for higher learning are very expensive to buy, what more if we student need not only one but perhaps two or more books for our reference.

The e-book website, contains various type of books that covers on almost everything you would ever imagine in your mind. Politics, social sciences, business management, engineering, information technology, history, movies, religions, hobbies and crafts, home improvements, gardening, automobile, fashion or even a simple novel for you to read.... you name it, you got it. If you asked my opinion, I would say this is the best virtual library I've ever found so far.

 If compared to other e-books website, Gigapedia is still the best because downloading  is free of charge.

It's even better than the biggest bookshop in Kuala Lumpur, the Kinokuniya KLCC.
Kinokuniya might have complete title of everything, but the books there are way
tooooooo expensive!

I am eager to try to get hold of a book that specifically discusses on the application of SPSS (a statistics textbook) for my data analysis. The book costs around MYR128.00 (about USD39.00) and need to be ordered from the University Bookshop and will take about a month to wait before it is available for collection. I try search Gigapedia for the first time and to my surprise, it's there!!! Yabedabedoo!

Since then, I download more e-books from Gigapedia. All I have to do is become a member by registering my details (once only), then I am free to search for the books I need whenever I wanted. As a member, apart from downloading some reading materials from the site, I am also encouraged to contribute by either posting (uploading) new reading materials to the site or by donating some amount of money (as small as 10 Euro) to keep it running. Of course, I am bound to some rules and regulation. 10 simple rules, to be exact. The rules are the normal ones you would usually come across as an online member of a site: some stuff on privacy of members, spam, respect, accuracy of information, sensitivity, but the last one that really interest me is on LEECHING!

Rule no 10 says:

"No leeching! If you are one of the heaviest users and show no intent of helping out by posting/reporting etc. and just leech then your account maybe removed, we expect users to help out and get involved"

Owh! Everytime I read this last rule, I feel like someone is slapping my face. So far I have downloaded  dozens of e-books from the site but never contribute anything in return. My book collection at home are dusty and outdated. And 10 Euro equals USD1,000 to me....(Oh! what a bad reasoning!!)

Another thing that attracts me so much is 'the staff' that run this website.  Even though I do not know who they are and where they come from, I do sense that they are hard working people who try to satisfy the needs of every member: members with 1001 behaviour! Well, if not, then can you tell me why they put up this message on site?

"This site only has 10 short rules. Read them, understand and follow them, or else...."

and when you click on the 10 short rules,  the last paragraph indicates that they are really serious in their business:

"if you have an issue with any of the rules, contact us (contact link at bottom of all pages)

Staff might contact you from time to time and/or leave feedback, you are expected to listen to staff and follow any advice/warnings given. Ignoring staff is not a good idea and will lead to a voodoo doll being created in your image and poked with needles."

So, out of curiosity I check my account, in case 'the staff' left a message for me. There's this general  message that says:

"staff have left no feedback on your account, you have been a good boy/girl."

Phew!  That's a relief!!!

And so I happily read the newly downloaded statistics e-book, until I come to this paragraph at page two of the book where the author writes this...

"You're probably wondering why you have bought this book. Maybe you liked the pictures, maybe you fancied doing some weight training (it is heavy), or perhaps you need to reach something in a high place (it is thick). The chances are, though, that given the choice of spending your hard-earned cash on a statistics book or something  more entertaining (a nice novel, a trip to the cinema, etc.) you'd choose the latter. So why have you bought the book (or downloaded an illegal pdf of it from someone who has way too much time on their hands if they can scan an 800-page textbook)?"

Ahak! That statement choked me!!! Does this means the author knows that I am reading from the downloaded version of his book? Is he aware of Gigapedia existence? Is he actually referring to Gigapedia when he writes this? And he is labelling it ILLEGAL? If Gigapedia IS illegal, then how does it obtain consent to continue operation till this very day? These questions puzzle me. Anyway, eventually, I still buy the statistics book from the University Bookshop. Whether the action of buying it has anything to do with the statement by the author, wallahu'alam. I dont know.

I still visit Gigapedia once in a while when there's some information I need to get hold of really fast and there's not enough time to spend on a journey to the bookstore and searching for the real book to refer to. But the best I can, I will always make sure there's no doll being made that replicate myself and poked with needles... Ouch!

Thursday, 13 October 2011

Leaving him on the 44th day

23 - 24 May, 2011

It was a sad decision, knowing that he is still too small and fragile to be left in the care of his father. I have no other options in my hands. The conference is important to me, and so is he. But I am determined to finish my study as soon as possible so that I'll be able to spend more time with him in the future. Hence the complicated schedule of what to do and when, carefully prepared and explained to the confused-looking man of the house.

A week before I leave him for Singapore, I've made some preparations so that he will be fine with his father. I'll be absent only for two days, but then... well... you know... *sigh*

 I have to 'import' my MIL to stay at our house with him, not because I don't trust my husband, but I know he has a lot of other things to worry about rather than the changing diaper and feeding routine.  Let him take charge of the house chores, he is always flexible to run here and there. Meantime, the baby is in safe hands of his mother.

So you see, I've prepared the milk supply, more than enough for two days. I kissed Aiman a thousand times before leaving, only stopped when my husband scolded me.

 The moment the plane departed, I started to miss my baby. My handphone went out of battery when I arrived at the hotel. To make things worse, I left the charger on top of my dressing table at home, forgotten to pack it in the bag. I can't call home. so I  cried myself to sleep....

Tuesday, 4 October 2011

Remembering the moment when....

I presume everybody knows I am a busy busy busy person. Regardless of my condition of being terribly heavy at the end of my trimester, carrying this huge belly everywhere I go, I still have a lot of things to do that refrained me from relaxing on the sofa with a cup of tea in my hand and watch my favourite movie. Oh no, no, no. Can't do that. If I did, then I would easily trigger the WW3. Have I not told you that C is my middlename? C for Chaos?

Well, a day before I unexpectedly gave birth to my tiny baby Muhammad Aiman, I was still climbing the stairs a the Business faculty, chasing several people that have influence on my future, trying to get their consent on a couple of things that need to be settled immediately. Come evening when most of the items in my Things To Do Today list have been attended to  (alhamdulillah!), I headed back to my room, planning to perform the Asr prayer there before I go home. That was the time I discovered my panties was covered with blood.  Oh! Panic! Panic! Panic! Must inform hubby. No, go to the hospital first. Oi! What about the children? Gosh, I've not prepared the baby's bag yet. Hey! There's a chewing gum under my shoes! @#*&%!!!!.........

If I could run, I would. If I could fly, that would be even better! 

At 7pm my husband took me to the hospital. After registration we were instructed to wait at the lobby while the staff allocate a room for me. While waiting, one by one, more pregnant ladies registered and waited with us. One of them already broke her water bag,  her sarong was all wet. Another lady was shaking at a corner for whatever reason I did not know. The lady who came in last was given priority, nurses saw baby's head already emerging. The situation at the waiting room was horrible to me. I say it was horrible because amidst the tense in the air, there I was sitting gaily like there was nothing to worry about!    


Because I did not feel any pain. I have no contractions. Masya-Allah! And I still believe the bloody panties was normal when a pregnant lady counted the number of stairs many times in a day. What more when the due date is still a long way to come. With confidence I told my husband that I am not going to give birth in the next 24 hours. I even persuaded him to take me home immediately. The blood was just a false alarm.

"No, you can't go home!" The doctor scolded me.  I turned sulky.

So I spent the night at the ward. It felt exactly like going on a vacation somewhere and staying in a hotel.  I ate, watched TV, read magazines and played with the air-conditioner remote control till I got bored and fell asleep.

Next morning when I woke up and wanted to perform Suboh prayer, I discovered more blood on the bed sheet. Called the nurse. She inspected me, went out and came back ten minutes later with three other nurses and prepared me for the labour room.

"You must be kidding me! I am not ready yet!" I grabbed the nurse's hand in surprise.

"Ready or not, here you go!" She smiled. 

An hour later, Muhammad Aiman was born......Alhamdulillah.

Here are the pics that my husband took when the baby came to the world.

He spent two days in the incubator because his lungs have not fully developed yet, which means he can't breathe on his own without support. Another five days in the infant nursery because he had prolonged jaundice due to his premature condition. He went home when he was a week old, greeted and welcomed by all the family members and relatives. Oh, so grand...!

p/s: I discovered later that the hospital admin had to call the wireman to repair the air-conditioner in the room that I stayed. It had not been working properly since I left the room.  *scratch head*

Thursday, 15 September 2011

Like the deserts miss the rain...

I have been busy.

I have been busy juggling with the new baby, his sister the jealous porcupine, his other rebellious sister, his happy-go-lucky brother, last but not least... his quality-control father.

I have been busy with my thesis, seminar and conferences, publication, teaching workload.

I have been busy with the house chores. Cooking, washing, cleaning, blabbering, nagging...

On top of everything, I feel old, tired and perhaps rusty too. Start to snore when asleep. Capable of dozing off while mopping the floor.

This blog has been totally quiet and dead for the past four months. Even my followers ran away one by one. I used to have 47 followers, three were struck with boredom so they ran off leaving the other 44 still contemplating either to follow suit or show some pity and stay. And within these four months of being absent, I later discovered that I've missed too many things about my dearie sister bloggers.

I feel so bad.
Please forgive me.

Missed you much. All of you. That's for sure.

Please remember me in your duas. I need strength to finish my thesis. Just a li'l bit more.

Just a li'l bit more.....


Thursday, 5 May 2011

A quiet celebration

The love of my life celebrates his birthday today.

No birthday wishes,
no cake,
no surprises,
no gifts,
no family gathering.

Just a long stare at each other 
and sweet smiles,
and some understanding.

And many,
 silent prayers for him.

I love him with all my heart...

Tuesday, 3 May 2011

While I was away...part 5/5 - Don't do this to me, baby!

“How is she now?” I asked one of the teachers who was helping my daughter to stand up. Aida Amani has been lying on the carpet of the nursery for quite some times, I was told.

“She has recovered, Alhamdulillah” replied the teacher.

I observed that she has put on fresh clothes.

“She vomited in her sleep. We have to clean her and change her clothes.” So that answered my question.

“Thank you, teacher.” I smiled to the teachers and took baby porcupine home.

Along the way Aida was quiet in the car. Her face was pale and her lips have no colour. But she was happy I came to fetch her home. She smiled, but I know she was tired. I thanked Allah, earlier today I suddenly canceled my plan to go to the office, or else I’ll not be able to fetch baby porcupine from the nursery.

As soon as we reached home, Aida Amani walked across the living hall straight to the TV couch and immediately lied down.

“Get some rest. You should sleep, baby. I’ll prepare your milk.”

In half an hour’s time, baby porcupine was fast asleep on the couch. I put my hands on her forehead, then under her armpit and her neck, trying to sense if she had fever. Nope, the temperature was normal. No sign of fever. Then why did she vomit in her sleep? To make sure that I was right, I took the thermometer and tested again. Negative.

I suddenly remembered that in the haste to fetch baby porcupine at the nursery I have forgotten to say my Zuhr prayer. Touching my growing belly, I contemplated either to climb the stairs and perform solat in my bedroom or simply perform it downstairs at the living hall. Well, considering that baby porcupine was not feeling well, I decided to pray at the hall, so much closer to her.

“Ya Allah, I am so tired today. I wish I could get some rest and leave everything behind.”

I was still on the prayer mat, sighing and praying silently to The Almighty, surrendering only to Him, seeking for His help. I was lost in trance for a few minutes, only to see baby porcupine waving her left hand towards me when I opened my eyes again.


Aida Amani did not respond. It is funny to see her waving like that with her eyes shut tight.

“Baby, can you hear me? Are you okay?” I called again.

This time baby porcupine opened her eyes. Surprisingly, her wide-opened eyes stared at the ceiling and her body started shaking wildly. I panicked. I can sense something was terribly wrong. I dashed towards her and kept calling her again and again, but she did not seem to hear me. When I touched her I found out that her body was stiff. AllahuAkhbar!!! What happened to her?

I did not know what to do. I started to cry hysterically, at some times my voice turned uncontrollably loud. I tried to make her sit up, but she fell on her back almost immediately as if she has no backbones! So again I shrieked. By now both her eyes were all white and there were bubbles coming out of her mouth. With all the energy that was left in me, I lifted her up and tried to carry her to the bathroom. Halfway, my stomach started to feel painful. I have forgotten that I was pregnant. I have to put her down.

Aida was lying motionless on the floor, only a few feet from the bathroom. I shook her body, called her names and even slapped her twice in effort to make her gain consciousness. None of it worked. I collapsed beside her, tears were streaming my eyes that I can’t see clearly. Suddenly I thought of my husband. I dialed his office number frantically, and once when I heard his voice on the other end, I talked and cried at the same time, so bad that he did not understand a word I said.

Useless attempt.

Trying to tell him what happened when I myself could not understand what I was saying was tormenting. I threw the phone away. Again, I tried to lift up Aida Amani, the only thing I have in mind then was to bathe her with cold water. I didn’t know why that came across my mind and I didn’t even now if it is the right thing to do, but somehow I must try something.

Something else happened. In her state of being unconscious, I saw vomit started to come out from her mouth and nose. A lot of it!!! I screamed my lungs out. I got up on my feet and immediately dragged her to the bathroom, leaving behind the trails of vomit along the way. Then I saw something else. Together with the vomit, there was also urine. She urinated! Ya Allah! What is happening to my child?

In the bathroom, I tried to make her sit on the floor but failed. I have to bathe her while she was lying on the floor. I kept screaming her name and told her to stay with me. Her clothes were all wet. She shivers. Yet I knew she was unconscious.

The doorbell rang. I rushed to open the door. Three of my closest neighbours came to help. They told me my husband called and asked them to check on me and see if everything is alright.

“No! it’s not alright! I don’t know what happened to my baby!” I cried.

Sister Azila hugged me and comforted me, while sister Diya and brother Fadzil went to the bathroom and took care of baby porcupine. They replaced her wet clothes with a new one. Brother Fadzil then carried her to his car and took her to the hospital. They acted so fast. I am grateful to them three till this very day.

At the emergency room, the MO and several other staff started to run some tests on Aida Amani. They took her vomit and blood samples, checked her eyes, monitored her body temperature and some other stuff I don’t understand to explain here. Later a pediatrician came to see me. The test results were in his hands.

“How long has she been unconscious?” he asked.

“About five minutes or so.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Why are you asking, doctor?”

“Her temperature when she arrived here was 42 degree Celsius. That was extremely high. We adults could not tolerate a temperature that high, what more a child like her. It if happened more than ten minutes, your daughter could have brain damage.”

I stared at the doctor’s face. My mind was blank.

“But you did the right thing to reduce her temperature when you bathe her. Good work.”

“But doctor, I’ve checked on her temperature earlier. It was normal.”

The doctor then explained to me that when a patient’s body temperature rise higher than 38 or 39 degree Celsius, the brain will produce a signal that resulted blood vessels to shrink. Less blood will be pumped to reach beneath the skin. As a result, body temperature will appear normal as if patient has no fever. The use of ordinary thermometer could not detect the high temperature. Only thermometers with high sensitivity can detect it accurately.

“At home without the thermometer, what you can do is touch her hands and feet and see if they are cold. I mean, very cold. In your daughter’s case, the hands and feet have already changed colour to blue black because there’s no blood circulation. Even her lips have turned black. Did you not notice that?”

Masya-Allah. That was totally new to me. I didn’t know what to look for in this kind of situation, so I did not notice any of these changes on Aida. In addition, none of the family members had ever have such experience. She's the first to have it. Poor baby porcupine.

Later my husband arrived at the hospital. I immediately broke down again when I saw him. Who cares what people around me would think when they saw me crying like a baby? I was too emotional. What happened at home just now was something that will haunt me forever.

"We have reduced her temperature. She is okay for now, but she has to be admitted. We need to monitor her from time to time." The doctor left us to sit with our daughter for a while before a nurse came and arranged to send her to a ward.

And so my baby porcupine was admitted for ten days. Ten harrowing days of her life when she battled with the rise and fall of her temperature. At times she sat up in bed and asked for food and toys, at other times she just laid flat unmoved as if asleep. Alhamdulillah, she showed good progress every day. Baby porcupine is a strong fighter. I did not dare leave her side, so I stayed in the same room like a squatter. Oh! Gosh! Every inch of my body ached!

I understand now what attacked my daughter was something common for children at the age between 6 months to 6 years old. She experienced what is termed as febrile fits. Uprolling eyeballs, drooling of saliva, vomiting, urinating are the normal symptoms of febrile fits. This type of fever could be repetitious, which means, it could attack again in future. Immediate action must be taken to reduce the temperature. To my relief, I also get to know that such attack normally is not dangerous. But parents need to be extra careful, because the same symptoms explained above could also indicate the existence of meningitis, which is of course deadly.

When I write this post, I was sitting at the same TV couch where Aida was attacked with fits while she was sleeping. It was like a movie being replayed in my mind, I could clearly see myself desperately trying to wake her up and hopelessly crying when everything I tried resulted in only more panic discoveries.

It was painful. I don't want to go through it again. Ever.

Monday, 28 March 2011

While I was away...part 4/5 - Pimp my ride Malaysian version!

I've mentioned in my previous post that our good neighbour whom we depended on to send and fetch our children to and from school has migrated to Melbourne, Australia recently. We have to find another alternative as a mean of transportation for the children and we have to find it fast so that the problem won't affect the children and their study. The children can actually take the bus to school, but my worry is on the prolonged hours they will have to spend on the journey as the school bus make its rounding to cover several big residential areas. Actually I've tried the school bus before, but pity the children, they only reached home after Maghrib adhan was over. By the time they have cleaned themselves and sat for dinner it was almost 9pm. They were then so tired that they fell asleep even before they managed to finish the food in their plates!!!

The only way to solve this problem is to send and fetch them ourselves, but that would need us to get another car because I drive our mpv to work everyday and I can't reach home on time to fetch the children from school. My husband, who prefers to ride his motorbike wherever he goes, can reach home much earlier, but without a car he simply can't bring them home, unless he train his children how to become circus monkeys performers.

I can't imagine seeing my husband and children riding on a bike like this.....
Pic taken from Nissan Grand Livina hillarious advertisement on TV.

But alhamdulillah, truly Allah provides us with all our needs if we asked from Him in our duas. It so happened that one day, another neighbour told us he wanted to sell his old car because he wanted to buy a new one. We know this person well enough to trust his words that his 2004 model Perodua Kelisa is still in good condition. So, after a 30 second 'test drive' of the petite car, we bought it without further question, at a selling price 41% below the market value!!!

No one is ever so excited with the existence of the second hand car but my husband. He started to day dream about making some refurbishment works on the car so that it would not look too 'old' at its age. At the end of the day, we decided to repaint the car, change its upholstery completely from fabric to leather, modify its engine, tint the windows, change the tyres and install a cd player. Even after incurring all these costs, we can still sell the car and profit RM3,000 from it!

I attached below the before and after pics of the car. The mechanic did a wonderful job with the engine. Smooth, fast, lightweight. It totally feels like driving a brand new car. As a matter of fact, now I am feeling like my mpv is so heavy!

The second hand Kelisa, before the make over

Dusty interior with faded fabric upholstery

...and dirty engine too!

At the workshop where the mechanic and his gang dismantled every parts of the engine

The car looked rather scary at this point

Out went the dirty parts, in came the new parts through the dismounting process

And the result after two whole week in the make over process......

The same car, after the make over
Many people told us it's the body paint that makes it look gorgeous

The third day we park the car outside our compound, a stranger approached my husband and asked,

"Are you selling this car? I am interested to buy it"


Monday, 14 March 2011

While I was away...part 3/5 - Get your butt outta 'ere!!!

We made such a heavy decisision to fire our domestic maid who has been living and working with us for almost two and a half years. Yet things need to be sorted out and rectified. We have caught her red handed one too many times, and I thought then that the time has come for us to let her go. Not that I did not appreciate all her hard work all this while, but when there has been too many unpleasant incident happening in the house, I have to make her leave. What more if her schedule and timing slipped obviously, routines became difficult to be completed and most important of all, baby porcupine has several times told me that the maid pinched her at her thigh, sometimes slapped her butt and hit her at her arms because "she was naughty".

Well, you can play truant and skip the house chores, I can still close my eyes and pretend there's nothing serious to make a fuss out of it, but DON'T HURT MY BABY!!! Unless you are taking care of a sick and handicapped child, try pinpoint me one child at her age that is not active a.k.a. "naughty". I did not pay her monthly salary so that she can be bossy to my children! So out she went, with only 5 minutes notice from my husband to pack her things and clear the room.

What is done, is done. I was actually speechless. Come to think of it, I've got my thesis to complete and I was chasing the deadline, my son also needed attention because he'll be sitting an important examination at end of this year, baby porcupine also demanded some times be spent for her as she starts her school session this year, and to make situation worse, our good neighbour whom we depended on to send and fetch the children to and from schools everyday has recently migrated to Australia, leaving us in difficult situation to find other means of transportation for the children. Everything took place at the same time! AllahuAkhbar! I felt so weak and hopeless!

As a consequent, the first week being independent without the assistant of  the maid was very tough. I had to cook, wash the clothes, mop the floor, prepare the children to school, iron their uniforms, tidy their rooms, send them to school, fetch them back, bla...bla...bla... By the time I've settled everything and thought I still have time to read and do my research, I was terribly tired and sleepy, with another active little one who continuously playing soccer in my tummy.

Nonetheless, I am so blessed in life, alhamdulillah. My husband did not leave me behind to handle everything alone. He has always been by my side and helped me whenever he was at home. I really appreciate him so much that at times I can't stop the tears from falling.

Entered second week, then third, fourth, and so on, the whole family slowly adopted the new environment at home and alhamdulillah, we are now at a point where we don't find things difficult anymore. I made a proper schedule for everyone in the house to optimise the usage of time. Alhamdulillah, it works!

Behind all these hardships, there lies a blessing. Once everything has been adjusted back to normal, we made a shocking discovery: we saved about RM1,000 (Malaysian Ringgit) per month on groceries, toiletries and utility bills!!! Would you believe it if I told you that since she left home, our water bills was within the range of RM5 to RM10 only, compared to RM35 to RM50 monthly when she was around???  And the electricity bills reduced from RM100 ++ to below RM70 per month??? Let me remind you that daily consumption of water and electricity remains the same.  We also spent less when we shop for groceries nowadays. A 2 kilogram Milo (instant drink) can last for up to 3 months compare to only a month when she was here. So is the sugar, condensed milk, rice, cooking oil, etc.

That made me wonder whatever happened in the house when we both husband and wife went to work and the children were in school, leaving only the maid and baby porcupine at home.

I guess the decision to terminate her service immediately was a wise one after all..... *sigh* 

Alhamdulillah, right now I am feeling fabulous....

(all images from

Monday, 7 March 2011

While I was away...part 2/5 - Happy Belated Birthday

So you think I've forgotten all about this, huh? Not a chance, dear.

Happy Belated Birthday to Miss Blue Pearl...(February 9, 2011)

O Allah! Please grant this beautiful lady with heart of gold bundles of happiness in her life. Please make her a strong muslimah.

And oh! one more thing, ya Allah... may she be blessed with a handsome, romantic and rich man with taqwa and iman in his heart as her husband who loves her truly. Ameen!

While I was away...part 1/5 - Blog Awards

A true friendship exists naturally, need not be asked of or forced to show. I am so blessed to have circle of friends who cares about me even though I have to be away for quite a while to concentrate on my study. While I was away, I received these two awards from my fellow bloggers that I adore so much. This was so unexpected. I am happy till this very day. Thank you, dear Blue Pearl and Zarina Hassem, for these blog awards....

January 18, 2011
I received this award from my lovely sister Miss Tweet Blue Pearl from Qatar.
Do visit her at her sparkling beautiful blog at

February 13, 2011
Another award came from my amazing sister Zarina Hassem from South Africa
You'll love her aspiring stories at

Nevertheless, I am so sorry I can't extend this award to other great bloggers because I guess it's been too late for me to do so. Like I've said earlier, I missed a lot of things while I was away. Such a regret to have wasted this opportunity...

JazakAllahu khairan kathira
May Allah grant you happiness in life and protect you from harm at all the time.

I am back, alhamdulillah...

I am finally off the hook, at least for now. Given precious moments to inhale the clean air while enjoying this short term freedom. Alhamdulillah.

To all my dear friends and readers who continuously provided supports for me all this while, jazakAllahu khair. I love you all!

Will be posting more from now, insya-Allah.

Friday, 25 February 2011

Please have patient & wait for me...

I am having my neck on the chopping board right now.

And I have lots of explanations to do to convince my supervisors on my thesis.

Have patient. Please wait for me.

I miss you all dearly....

......and I know I've missed so many things while I'm gone....

Will be back soon, Insya-Allah.

Thursday, 13 January 2011

My pre-school most embarrasing moment

While watching tv last night my nine years old daughter saw a Play-Doh advertisement and was so amazed with how the children moulded and turned the colourful plasticine into ice-creams and cakes for their doll houses. She started to beg and later went extreme to bug me to buy that Play-Doh set for her.

"No way. I am not going to buy you that toy. You are too old for such a thing. End of story." I had to raise my voice a wee bit higher just to indicate my seriousness. With a sour face, she went to her grandmother and sat beside her at the sofa. My mother, who has been observing us from the beginning, patted her head and said,

"You know what, Aliya? Your mom had a bad experience related to plasticine when she was very young. I think she doesn't want the same thing to happen to you. I suppose that's why she refused to buy one for you."

"What kind of experience?" Aliya seemed to be interested to know.

I scratched my cheek. Bad experience? Me? When? How come I don't remember anything about it? I am interested to know, too!

"When your mom was only six, I sent her to a kindergarten not so far away from home. She was so happy to go to the kindergarten and meet lots and lots of friends there."  My mother paused, as if trying to remember something.

"Your mom used to have beautiful long hair with nice fringe. I normally tied her hair with a white ribbon and she was the loveliest girl in class. All the teachers loved her. But having said that, I must tell you that she is also a very, very naughty girl. She loved to show off her beautiful hair to other pupils. She thought she was a princess."

"One day, the teacher gave the pupils some plasticines to play with. Wanna know what your mom did with her plasticine?" Mom asked Aliya.

"What did she do?" Aliya asked eargerly, now already sat on her granny's lap without realising it.

Mom smiled at me. Oh yeah! Now I remember that incident! The most embarrasing moment in my childhood life! Oh mom! Please stop! Don't tell my daughter about it.... pleaseeeee........

But she continued....

The wonders of plasticine....Formula towards a trendy hair style... hahaha!

"Your mom pasted the whole bunch of those plasticine on her fringe and forehead, pretending that they were colourful hair pins. The she danced in the class, trying to attract the teachers' attention."

Another pause. Aliya waited patiently for her grandmother to continue.

"Of course she managed to get the teachers' attention. But they were not amused. Instead, they gasped to see the plasticine hanging on her fringe. Your mom was really in a sticky situation when she could not take off the plasticine from her hair. At the end of the day, she was pretty covered up with colourful, dirty plasticine on the forehead."

Aliya grinned.

"So at the end of the session, she hid herself in the locker. She was afraid I would scold her for what she has done. The teacher persuaded her to come out but she refused. They have to call me to fetch her"

"By the time I arrived at the kindergarten, all but the teachers had gone home. Finally she came out of the locker, but, masya-Allah!" mom raised her eyebrows towards Aliya.

"What happened, granny?"

"While she was in the locker, she found a scissors and cut her fringe short, so as to eliminate the plasticine evidence. But she cut it too short, her scalp was widely exposed!!"

"Hahahahaha....." Aliya rolled on the sofa, laughing hysterically. Argh! Like father like daughter!

"What happened then, granny?"

"I took her home, of course. But that was the last time she went to the kindergarten. She refused to continue school afterwards. She quit. Your mom's pre-school session lasted only for five days."

I can't blame my daughter for enjoying the story. I smiled myself. Come to think of the incident, I was so silly to have cut my fringe like that. Owh! Really, really silly! As a consequence, I have to hide myself in the house, always made sure that none of my friends saw me in this condition. Mom always encouraged me to come out, but I told her,

"I'll only come out of the house when my fringe grows back to normal"

Of course that took ages to happen......


By the way, I'll be away (offline) till the end of this month to settle some errands. Insya-Allah, will be back in February. Till then, take care and don't be naughty (like me!). Smiles!

Wednesday, 12 January 2011

There was once this beautiful lady...

It all happened last year in Masjidil Nabawi, the masjid of the Prophet Muhammad salAllahu 'alaihi wasallam in Madinah. I was waiting for 'Asr adhan. I was a bit tired and sleepy, but my heart kept telling me this is not the best time to doze and my mind kept warning me to stay awake. I took the Qur'an from the shelves in front of me, tried to read some surahs, but my concentration failed me, the tajwids all went wrong, so I stopped immedately. I went back to my place and recited some zikr.

At one point I thought I heard someone talking beside me. I turned to see a young lady talking to an older lady about something. She was trying to explain something while gesturing it with both her hands, once in a while touching the feet of the elder, but the elder looked puzzled. After several minutes of observation, I finally understood the situation:

A young Pakistani lady was talking to an older Turkish lady about something.

The Turkish lady did not understand the Pakistani lady as she was speaking in her mother's tongue. This was shown clearly on the face. But the nice thing about her was that even though she had no idea what the Pakistani lady was talking about, she kept smiling and nodding her head as a sign of respect and friendship.

I was watching them with interest when suddenly the Pakistani lady turned just to catch me unguard. I instantly lowered my gaze to the floor, ashamed that she caught me listening to her conversations.

"Oh! I wish someone could understand me!" Frustrated, she sighed softly, more to herself, but loud enough for me to hear it.

"I understand you. Pretty well if you speak English" I said slowly, unsure of her respond. Who knows, she might suddenly snap at me.

She turned to stare at me and I saw her big, beautiful eyes. But Oh! Ya Allah! What have I said? Why did I intervene? Oh! Me and my big mouth!!!

"You can speak English! You understand me?" She held my hands. She was so excited. I smiled in relief and nodded. I simply can't put my eyes away from her. She has such a fair complexion.

"Alhamdulillah! For many days since I arrived in Madinah, I have not been able to talk to anyone but my own people. Most of these pilgrims only speak Arabic so it's been hard to communicate with them" She smiled. Masya-Allah, she has beautiful white teeth too!

"My name is Farida. I am from Karachi" she was still holding my hands when she said this.

"I am Ati, from Kuala Lumpur" my turn to introduce myself.

Within a few minutes afterwards, I learned that she is a doctor. I mean, a real medical doctor who can prescribe controlled medicine to patients in hospitals. Well, I am a doctor-to-be too, but I can't prescribe any medicine to anyone, unless the person wish for suicide. (hahaha...! who would like to try?) When I asked her what was it all about with the elder Turkish lady who sat next to her, Farida told me she was trying to help the lady who happened to have swollen legs, most probably due to her plumpy figure and the fact that she walks a long distance everyday. She was trying to tell the lady that putting her feet higher than the body when she rest at night will help her reduce the swelling, but the elder lady seemed not to understand her at all.

"I have tried to explain to her in English, but she just stared blankly at me. I then talked to her in Urdu, and I know she did not understand it either. Now I give up". We giggled quietly. Surprisingly, the elder lady suddenly joined us and giggled together though she did not understand anything. From that instance, the three of us became friends. Instant friends, like my favourite "Nescafe 3 in 1" drinks.

True indeed, it was such a pleasure to make new friends with other pilgrims from different backgrounds, here, at the Masjidil Nabawi. But of course it was sad too that right after the Maghrib prayer Farida had to leave us to join her husband for dinner. She finally revealed that she was married for only two months and that they both decided to perform umrah for their honeymoon. Masya-Allah, sweet!

We did not exchange contact details. We can't. For those who have been in Masjidil Nabawi, they would know how strict the rules are about bringing in personal belongings into the masjid. So we did not have anything in hand to record contacts. We just hugged and hoped to see each other again the next time, but of course that did not materialise. Till the day I departed for Makkah, I was still hoping to meet Farida one more time in the masjid, but amongst the sea of pilgrims, I knew that was impossible.

Nevertheless, I'll never forget this beautiful lady with kind heart. May Allah protect her always and help her save thousands of lives as she performs her tasks dutifully, lillahi ta'ala.


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