Friday, April 13, 2012

Senad Hadzic. A walk to remember.

Each year millions of Muslims make the annual pilgrimage to the Saudi city of Mecca.


The Hajj, as it is known, is still far away, this year it is in the end of October, but 47-year-old Senad Hadzic has already set off in that direction.

That is because he is on foot.





He started from his hometown in northern Bosnia back in December 2011 and is walking all the way to Mecca. The distance is about 3,600 miles from Bosnia to Mecca and he covers between 12 to 20 miles a day. And for the Geo Quiz we are asking you to tell us where he has reached now.

He has reached a waterway that separates Europe from Asia.

The Bosphorus, the waterway that divides Istanbul and Europe from Asia, is the answer to the Geo Quiz. Just before hitting the road again, Senad Hadzic proudly shows the meager contents of his backback. He’s got a Koran wrapped in plastic for protection against the elements, a bible, maps and flags of the six countries he plans to cross.

“To be honest, before i started on this trip, everybody was frightened for me, asking how will I, as a Muslim, be able to travel though Christian countries like Serbia and Bulgaria,” says Hadzic.

But he was never scared, he says. Traveling with very little money, Hadzic says he’s depended on the kindness of strangers for much of the 600 miles or so he’s walked so far.

“In Serbia, people came out on the street and gave me a hat, or some socks,” Hadzic says. “In one case, a professor in Serbia invited me to stay in his house. This Serbian professor, who was a Christian, told me that I was the first Muslim who had stepped in his house in his life. It was a great honor for me.”

Istanbul has presented a bit of a snag. He’s spent 20 days here, he says, trying to get permission to walk across the Bosphorus bridge connecting Europe to Asia. It’s only open to vehicles. Hadzic doesn’t even want to mention the details of how he got it resolved.

“I’ll tell you, this trip has had millions of problems,”Hadzic says. I’ll explain it to you like this: God willing, I’m going to enter Asia today, and then Syria. And I’m not afraid of a tank or a bullet, only God. And then when I get to Mecca I will say a prayer for all of us.”





When he finally leaves the hotel, he’s excited to be on his way. Wearing a reflector safety vest and a shabby backpack, with Bosnian and Turkish flags sticking out, it’s easy to see how his eccentric character endears him with many that he meets on his way.

“An old Turkish wise man appeared and when he saw that I came from Bosnia to Istanbul on two feet, he offered me the money to sit on an airplane and go directly to Mecca for the Haj,” Hadzic says. “But I rejected this.”

Hadzic says he must travel by foot because God told him to in a dream. His act of faith is not just for his own benefit but for everyone he meets along the way as well.

“By this act, I am proving that everything I do is for the love of God,” Hadzic says. “For all the riches in the world, I would never stop what I am doing.”

Walking through this city of 13 million, in a fitting parallel with his bizarre quest, we run into a group of Bosnian tourists. Hadzic is clearly well-known in Bosnia and doesn’t need an introduction. After pictures are taken and greetings exchanged, Hadzic is back on his own.

He’s not even half way there yet but Hadzic has already learned a lot.

“The point, my friend, is learning the meaning of ‘thank you’. The poor people who live in the countryside love God and support me with generosity. The rich people in the cities love their ATMs,” Hadzic says.

After walking the more than 500 miles from Istanbul to the Syrian border, Hadzic says he plans to continue through Syria. It’s a bit risky he admits, but with God’s help he says he won’t feel fear. He plans to wave a Syrian flag with the word “victory” written on it, and pray for the victims of the conflict.

Wassalam
Note: I do not think I'll be able to walk from Malaysia to Makkah. However, I do wish I have the courage and strength of this man to finish what I have started. Insya-Allah.

Have a nice weekends with your loved ones!

Friday, April 6, 2012

Friday, Al-Fatehah & tears

  

In the name of Allah, the most beneficent the most merciful.
All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds.
The most beneficent, the most merciful.
The lord of the day of Judgement.
Thee alone do we worship and thee alone we seek for help.
Guide us to the right path.
The path of those upon whom thou has bestowed favors, Not of those who thou has cursed once nor of those who have gone astray.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today I shed more tears than ever. Is it normal for ordinary person to feel sad and cry when looking at these pictures? Or is it only me becoming too emotional nowadays? Oh! Ya Allah! Please let our children survive this world under Your hidayat. I feel so helpless.



Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Mourning for the death of knowledge

Gigapedia is officially gone.

I have been frequenting the website one too many times to get hold of some valuable textbooks that are hardly available in Malaysia. I even wrote a post on my Gigapedia experience in this blog some times ago.

Today when I decided to make another visit for another retrieval (a book once published in 1978!) I was shocked to learn that the virtual library was 'put to sleep' by some ugly old hags..! 

@#$%&*@#$) oh! crap!

More of the information on the closure of the website can be read here.

So that's the end of the free flow of knowledge all around the world. I once asked in my post, how on earth did this website manage to survive when many authors and publishers are labeling its act as piracy. I guess I've got the answer now. Pretty much too soon for me...

Goodbye Giga. To be more precise, goodbye to all the invisible but serious 'staff' of Library.nu. Will be missing you a lot, now that I do not know where to turn to for a fast solution to my textbooks problem.

* sigh! *

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

PhD as in permanent head damage???




 I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
yeah, how I used to be

How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be, how I used to be
I'm just a little unwell

funny pic and extract of lyrics of 'Unwell' by Robb Thomas googled this morning

Friday, March 23, 2012

Will you buy this?

Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)


Anti-Terrorist And Monitory Crime Division.
Federal Bureau Of Investigation.
J.Edgar.Hoover Building Washington Dc
Customers Service Hours / Monday To Saturday
Office Hours Monday To Saturday:


Dear Beneficiary,


Series of meetings have been held over the past 7 months with the secretary general of the United Nations Organization. This ended 3 days ago. It is obvious that you have not received your fund which is USD 14,000,000.00 due to past corrupt Governmental Officials who almost held the fund to themselves for their selfish reason and some individuals who have taken advantage of your fund all in an attempt to swindle your fund which has led to so many losses from your end and unnecessary delay in the receipt of your fund.


The National Central Bureau of Interpol enhanced by the United Nations and Federal Bureau of Investigation have successfully passed a mandate to the current president of Nigeria His Excellency Goodluck Jonathan to boost the exercise of clearing all foreign debts owed to you and other individuals and organizations who have been found not to have receive their Contract Sum, Lottery/Gambling, Inheritance and the likes.Now how would you like to receive your payment? because we have two method of payment which is by Bank transfer or by Visa ATM Card?


VISA ATM CARD: We will be issuing to you a custom pin based ATM card which you will use to withdraw up to USD 3,000 per day from any ATM machine that has the Master Card or VISA Logo on it and the card have to be renewed in 2 years time which is 2014. Also with the ATM card you will be able to transfer your funds to your local bank account. The ATM card comes with a handbook or manual to enlighten you about how to use it. Federal minister of finance: contact information federal minister of finance.


ATM card center
Name: Mr.Dave Steve
Email: atmcardofficedepartment_centrepa@yahoo.es
Phone: +234-803-489-1843
Contact Mr.Dave Steve of the ATM card centre with your information as follows:


Full name:


City:


State:


Direct phone / mobile number:


Current occupation:


Once you have sent the required information to Mr.Dave Steve he will contact you with instructions on how to make the payment of USD 350 for the approval slip after which he will proceed towards delivery of the ATM card without any further delay. you are hereby been authorized/guaranteed by the federal bureau of investigation to commence towards completing this transaction, as there shall be no delay once payment for the approval slip has been made to the authorized agent.


Once you have completed payment of USD 350 to the agent in charge of this transaction, immediately contact us back for more investigation for conformation of your ATM card. The both offices are working 24hours to get this project complete.


Yours in service,


Robert.s.Mueller iii
FBI director


Would you believe you can simply pluck USD14,000,000 out of nowhere just by following the instructions given, and that is by the FBI????
 
 
*sigh*

Saturday, January 7, 2012

A sparkling love story

Atuk:  Where is my glasses?

Nenek: How would I know? Where did you put it?

Atuk: It was here a while ago. Now its gone! Did you take it?

Nenek: No I didn't. Owh..!! What for? I dont need the glasses. I'm not blind like you!

Atuk: Look, woman. There are only the two of us in this house. If it wasn't me, then YOU must have take the glasses and put it somewhere else. You're so forgetful!

Nenek: Now, don't start with me, man! I've told you I didn't take it. I DIDN'T TAKE IT, understand??!!

Atuk: Oh! Pickles!

Nenek: You are the ugliest man I've ever found when you're angry!!!
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I have always wanted to make myself as tiny as an ant when atuk (grandpa) and nenek (grandma) started their so called "fight". I tried the best possible to act as if I didn't hear their mind provoking conversations. If I have magic, I'd make myself invisible instantly. Sometimes such harsh conversation between them left an impression that they didn't like each other. But the funny thing was, they were married for more than 60 years! How can they stand each other for so long?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Atuk: This curry dish is tasteless!

Nenek: You need to gargle more often. Your tongue must has shortened a bit.

Atuk: That's ridiculous! I know a good dish once I smell it. Yours is tasteless.

Nenek: Then don't eat it.

Atuk: What, you want me to die of hunger now?

Nenek: Oh! Shut up and just eat, will ya???!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And so they continued fighting while eating....

"Are they always fighting like that, mom?" I asked my mother one day.

"I don't know, honey. As far as I know, they love each other" mom shrugged her shoulder.

Atuk and nenek were not my real grandparents. Mom lost her parents when she was only 2 years old. Being an orphan at such a young age, she was taken care by her older sisters and brothers, in turn. That means, she did not stay at one place for long. When she got her first job as a nurse at a hospital downsouth, far away from home, she searched for an adopted family to live with.That's how she met atuk and nenek.

This couple have 7 children altogether, but felt pity for my mother so they took her as their own. Materially they are poor, but in their heart, they are the richest people. According to mom, the day I was born, nenek was the busiest woman making preparations with the tiny bed and bath and atuk was the happiest man announcing my arrival to everyone in the village and welcoming me into their house.

I grew up with them. As I became an ambitious, energetic teenager , they on the contrary gradually weakening. The day I left Malaysia for England to pursue my study, atuk's health condition has deteriorated badly. He passed away peacefully about three months after I delivered my eldest son. We were all sad.

Life was not the same anymore for nenek when her soulmate left. She has no one to argue with on pettty things in the house. The house turned so quiet as if nothing ever moved inside. Her sorrowness has taken toll on her health. We realised she was lonely, so we did all we can to make her happy. Her health regained, but not for long. Soon nenek was bedridden. She no longer talk to anyone. Mom said she was trapped in her own world. There was no sign of her coming back to reality.



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hubby: See my glasses anywhere?

Me: No.

Hubby: Help me find it.

Me: Oh! You've always lost your things! Glasses, car keys, pen, what else..?!

Hubby: Stop preaching! Just help me find it, okay! I'm in a hurry here.

Me: You are so becoming old and forgetful, hubby!

Hubby: I'm okay with that. I have you to take care of me (smile)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And he suddenly reminded me of atuk and nenek....

Similar arguments. Petty things. No hard feelings. Love thickening. Hugs. Grateful. Alhamdulillah.

Fighting and arguments are just the mix of spices of a married life. Now I understand what transpired between atuk and nenek long ago. I am experiencing the same. Funny, it doesn't hurt the feelings, instead, strengthen the love bonds between us. Mom kept reminding me on one thing few days before my wedding ceremony, 13 years ago. No matter how bad the fight was between you and your husband, at the end of the day both of you should resort to each other again, and the best place to do so is in the secrecy of your bedroom. Thanks mom. I appreciate the advice. It works as always.

Nenek followed atuk's path five years later. None of us her children and grandchildren could make her forget atuk.

May Allah forgive both of them, bless their souls and place them in His Jannah. Ameen.

Alfatihah.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Serious businesses coming 2012

I've gone through trials and hardships in 2011. Be it at home with the family or at the office with colleagues, I've been tested one too many times. Alhamdulillah, I've chewed heartily most of the big chunks and now is the time I can sit back, sip my favourite guava flavoured tea and relax. Don't get me wrong. My study is far from end yet. But I've done my part, now I am waiting for feedback from my supervisors. In the mean time, I get to spend some precious moments with the little ones: baby porcupine and the new baby koala. They are the joy of my life, the reason why I continue struggling even when I stumble down and bleed.

Come new year, I see brighter prospects waiting for me. Here are the things I want to see realised this year, InsyaAllah...

1 - To initiate some effort on losing weight and look fabulous again. I've ignored myself these past four years on other more important things in life, now I'd like to have some time for me and me only;

2 - To attend this year's convocation, climb up the stage and receive my scroll. MasyaAllah! After all these years, receiving the scroll with my name on it would be the sweetest moment to cherish;

3 - To concentrate on the paper works and other necesssary documents to establish a business I've put on hold for too long. I hope this is going to be a good year to start the business, InsyaAllah.

4 - To go travelling and see the world as much as I can. As a mattter of fact, my husband has made an arrangement for a family vacation during the first term school holiday. This will be the starting point for more adventurous travels in the future, insyaAllah.

5 - To take care and cater for the needs of my mother, for as long as she lives. I love her so much. Unfortunately I have neglected her for so long. I pray I'll be given a chance to be with her and make her happy.

Allah knows what is best for me. Alhamdulillah, life has been good. InsyaAllah, life will be better this year. Same goes to all my moslem brothers and sisters out there. May we all be successful, in this world and the world hereafter. Ameen.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

In what state will I be....?















Today I share some thoughts with you that run through my head
This is what I so often think as I lay here on my bed
What would I be doing and in what state will I be....


That day when Malak ul-Maut will approach me?
For surely he will knock on my door, oh so suddenly
My choice of place or time, it's not going to be


On the day that I meet him, what will I do?
Theres no hiding that day, no one to run to
What will be my response to him? O What will I say?
I didn't prepare for this....please come back another day?!


Please go back...go back. I'm just not ready yet!
Just a few more minutes...seconds... any time that I can get!
I would want to say goodbye but he wouldn't let me
I would want another chance but that surely couldn't be

When he will come for me, I wonder, will I be in heedlessness
Worrying little of the hereafter, in my state of carelessness
Or would I be the one who loves and lives upon the Sunnah?
Would the last words on my tongue be la illaaha illAllaah?

Would my kafan be made of silk, being sent from Heaven above?
Would it be so soft, so fragrant, wrapping my soul with love?
Or would it be so rough, so ugly, made of fire from Hell
A wrath, a torment from my Lord, full of nasty smell?


And what would happen when they bury me, six feet underground
When they lay me on my bed of dust, with no one else around
So scared and alone....the thought keeps haunting me
In what state will I be....when the angels will question me?
Will I be able to answer them....the questions they will ask
It seems so easy now....but what a lofty task!

Will I be scared to see them, will they be of horror to me?
Will I be able to bear them, when they sit in front of me?
Will I be able to give them those answers so easily?
Or will I stumble and stagger....not knowing, confusedly?
Will I stutter and stammer just like a hypocrite would?
Or would I be able to respond to them just as a Muslim should?


Will my grave be a piece of Jannah, green and open wide...
with Mercy from my Lord so Kind, my good deeds on my side?
Will I rest in my grave ever so peacefully?
Or will my grave be a wretched place of torture for me?
I pray my grave is not a bed...of torment and agony
I hope so earnestly that my Rabb will forgive me
And when everyone will be raised with the rest of humanity
In what state will I be.....when my Lord will resurrect me?

Will I be pleased to see my Rabb? Will I be eager to greet Him?
But more importantly will HE be pleased with me, the Day I meet Him?

Will my face be black with sin that day or will it be shining white?
Will my scale of deeds weigh heavy for me....would it be feather light?
O where will I run then ...where will I hide? This is what scares me!
 In what state will I be....when the book of deeds is handed to me?


Will it be given in my left hand or I will hold it in my right?
Will I be guided firm on the Siraat; my Imaan so big, so bright?
Will I be among the wretched or will Allaah be pleased with me?
In what state will I be...when I stand in front of the Almighty?


I shudder and I tremble when I think of that Great Day
When I ask myself..."Am I ready to meet my Lord today?"
I cry as I lay here....thinking. I shed my wretched tears
Please forgive me O Allaah, how I wasted all those years

I sinned all my life Yaa Maalik, Oh how I forsook you
Unless you forgive me O Allah, how can I meet you?!
My sins are so heavy Yaa Rabb, I can hardly bear the weight
But I'm hoping for your Mercy, Allaah, don't leave me to my fate


For how long will I live? I don't know when I'll die
But like the prophet said I should expect it so close by


Let me stop this way of life; let me snap out of this trance
Let me turn my life around now that I have this perfect chance
Because today I am closer to my Lord than I was yesterday
Did it ever occur to me that today could be my last day?




Monday, October 31, 2011

The "Whoa!" factor in me

A glance at the mirror yesterday, I saw the reflection of a stressed up hippopotamus wearing a horrible oversized wig and clamped in a tight leather suit, obviously surprised to see me staring at it with my mouth open wide...





Whoa! Congratulations, Ati! You are now a 200lbs heavyweight champion! OMG!

picture source: brainstock.com

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Welcome to Gigapedia

A visiting professor from Indonesia gives us a web address where we can download e-books at no cost at all. He understands that books for higher learning are very expensive to buy, what more if we student need not only one but perhaps two or more books for our reference.

The e-book website, http://www.gigapedia.org/ contains various type of books that covers on almost everything you would ever imagine in your mind. Politics, social sciences, business management, engineering, information technology, history, movies, religions, hobbies and crafts, home improvements, gardening, automobile, fashion or even a simple novel for you to read.... you name it, you got it. If you asked my opinion, I would say this is the best virtual library I've ever found so far.


 If compared to other e-books website, Gigapedia is still the best because downloading  is free of charge.


It's even better than the biggest bookshop in Kuala Lumpur, the Kinokuniya KLCC.
Kinokuniya might have complete title of everything, but the books there are way
tooooooo expensive!

I am eager to try to get hold of a book that specifically discusses on the application of SPSS (a statistics textbook) for my data analysis. The book costs around MYR128.00 (about USD39.00) and need to be ordered from the University Bookshop and will take about a month to wait before it is available for collection. I try search Gigapedia for the first time and to my surprise, it's there!!! Yabedabedoo!

Since then, I download more e-books from Gigapedia. All I have to do is become a member by registering my details (once only), then I am free to search for the books I need whenever I wanted. As a member, apart from downloading some reading materials from the site, I am also encouraged to contribute by either posting (uploading) new reading materials to the site or by donating some amount of money (as small as 10 Euro) to keep it running. Of course, I am bound to some rules and regulation. 10 simple rules, to be exact. The rules are the normal ones you would usually come across as an online member of a site: some stuff on privacy of members, spam, respect, accuracy of information, sensitivity, but the last one that really interest me is on LEECHING!

Rule no 10 says:

"No leeching! If you are one of the heaviest users and show no intent of helping out by posting/reporting etc. and just leech then your account maybe removed, we expect users to help out and get involved"

Owh! Everytime I read this last rule, I feel like someone is slapping my face. So far I have downloaded  dozens of e-books from the site but never contribute anything in return. My book collection at home are dusty and outdated. And 10 Euro equals USD1,000 to me....(Oh! what a bad reasoning!!)

Another thing that attracts me so much is 'the staff' that run this website.  Even though I do not know who they are and where they come from, I do sense that they are hard working people who try to satisfy the needs of every member: members with 1001 behaviour! Well, if not, then can you tell me why they put up this message on site?

"This site only has 10 short rules. Read them, understand and follow them, or else...."

and when you click on the 10 short rules,  the last paragraph indicates that they are really serious in their business:

"if you have an issue with any of the rules, contact us (contact link at bottom of all pages)



Staff might contact you from time to time and/or leave feedback, you are expected to listen to staff and follow any advice/warnings given. Ignoring staff is not a good idea and will lead to a voodoo doll being created in your image and poked with needles."

So, out of curiosity I check my account, in case 'the staff' left a message for me. There's this general  message that says:

"staff have left no feedback on your account, you have been a good boy/girl."

Phew!  That's a relief!!!

And so I happily read the newly downloaded statistics e-book, until I come to this paragraph at page two of the book where the author writes this...

"You're probably wondering why you have bought this book. Maybe you liked the pictures, maybe you fancied doing some weight training (it is heavy), or perhaps you need to reach something in a high place (it is thick). The chances are, though, that given the choice of spending your hard-earned cash on a statistics book or something  more entertaining (a nice novel, a trip to the cinema, etc.) you'd choose the latter. So why have you bought the book (or downloaded an illegal pdf of it from someone who has way too much time on their hands if they can scan an 800-page textbook)?"

Ahak! That statement choked me!!! Does this means the author knows that I am reading from the downloaded version of his book? Is he aware of Gigapedia existence? Is he actually referring to Gigapedia when he writes this? And he is labelling it ILLEGAL? If Gigapedia IS illegal, then how does it obtain consent to continue operation till this very day? These questions puzzle me. Anyway, eventually, I still buy the statistics book from the University Bookshop. Whether the action of buying it has anything to do with the statement by the author, wallahu'alam. I dont know.


I still visit Gigapedia once in a while when there's some information I need to get hold of really fast and there's not enough time to spend on a journey to the bookstore and searching for the real book to refer to. But the best I can, I will always make sure there's no doll being made that replicate myself and poked with needles... Ouch!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Leaving him on the 44th day

23 - 24 May, 2011

It was a sad decision, knowing that he is still too small and fragile to be left in the care of his father. I have no other options in my hands. The conference is important to me, and so is he. But I am determined to finish my study as soon as possible so that I'll be able to spend more time with him in the future. Hence the complicated schedule of what to do and when, carefully prepared and explained to the confused-looking man of the house.

A week before I leave him for Singapore, I've made some preparations so that he will be fine with his father. I'll be absent only for two days, but then... well... you know... *sigh*


 I have to 'import' my MIL to stay at our house with him, not because I don't trust my husband, but I know he has a lot of other things to worry about rather than the changing diaper and feeding routine.  Let him take charge of the house chores, he is always flexible to run here and there. Meantime, the baby is in safe hands of his mother.






So you see, I've prepared the milk supply, more than enough for two days. I kissed Aiman a thousand times before leaving, only stopped when my husband scolded me.


 The moment the plane departed, I started to miss my baby. My handphone went out of battery when I arrived at the hotel. To make things worse, I left the charger on top of my dressing table at home, forgotten to pack it in the bag. I can't call home. so I  cried myself to sleep....

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Remembering the moment when....

I presume everybody knows I am a busy busy busy person. Regardless of my condition of being terribly heavy at the end of my trimester, carrying this huge belly everywhere I go, I still have a lot of things to do that refrained me from relaxing on the sofa with a cup of tea in my hand and watch my favourite movie. Oh no, no, no. Can't do that. If I did, then I would easily trigger the WW3. Have I not told you that C is my middlename? C for Chaos?

Well, a day before I unexpectedly gave birth to my tiny baby Muhammad Aiman, I was still climbing the stairs a the Business faculty, chasing several people that have influence on my future, trying to get their consent on a couple of things that need to be settled immediately. Come evening when most of the items in my Things To Do Today list have been attended to  (alhamdulillah!), I headed back to my room, planning to perform the Asr prayer there before I go home. That was the time I discovered my panties was covered with blood.  Oh! Panic! Panic! Panic! Must inform hubby. No, go to the hospital first. Oi! What about the children? Gosh, I've not prepared the baby's bag yet. Hey! There's a chewing gum under my shoes! @#*&%!!!!.........

If I could run, I would. If I could fly, that would be even better! 

At 7pm my husband took me to the hospital. After registration we were instructed to wait at the lobby while the staff allocate a room for me. While waiting, one by one, more pregnant ladies registered and waited with us. One of them already broke her water bag,  her sarong was all wet. Another lady was shaking at a corner for whatever reason I did not know. The lady who came in last was given priority, nurses saw baby's head already emerging. The situation at the waiting room was horrible to me. I say it was horrible because amidst the tense in the air, there I was sitting gaily like there was nothing to worry about!    

Why?

Because I did not feel any pain. I have no contractions. Masya-Allah! And I still believe the bloody panties was normal when a pregnant lady counted the number of stairs many times in a day. What more when the due date is still a long way to come. With confidence I told my husband that I am not going to give birth in the next 24 hours. I even persuaded him to take me home immediately. The blood was just a false alarm.

"No, you can't go home!" The doctor scolded me.  I turned sulky.

So I spent the night at the ward. It felt exactly like going on a vacation somewhere and staying in a hotel.  I ate, watched TV, read magazines and played with the air-conditioner remote control till I got bored and fell asleep.

Next morning when I woke up and wanted to perform Suboh prayer, I discovered more blood on the bed sheet. Called the nurse. She inspected me, went out and came back ten minutes later with three other nurses and prepared me for the labour room.

"You must be kidding me! I am not ready yet!" I grabbed the nurse's hand in surprise.

"Ready or not, here you go!" She smiled. 

An hour later, Muhammad Aiman was born......Alhamdulillah.

Here are the pics that my husband took when the baby came to the world.

















He spent two days in the incubator because his lungs have not fully developed yet, which means he can't breathe on his own without support. Another five days in the infant nursery because he had prolonged jaundice due to his premature condition. He went home when he was a week old, greeted and welcomed by all the family members and relatives. Oh, so grand...!


p/s: I discovered later that the hospital admin had to call the wireman to repair the air-conditioner in the room that I stayed. It had not been working properly since I left the room.  *scratch head*

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Like the deserts miss the rain...

I have been busy.

I have been busy juggling with the new baby, his sister the jealous porcupine, his other rebellious sister, his happy-go-lucky brother, last but not least... his quality-control father.

I have been busy with my thesis, seminar and conferences, publication, teaching workload.


I have been busy with the house chores. Cooking, washing, cleaning, blabbering, nagging...


On top of everything, I feel old, tired and perhaps rusty too. Start to snore when asleep. Capable of dozing off while mopping the floor.

This blog has been totally quiet and dead for the past four months. Even my followers ran away one by one. I used to have 47 followers, three were struck with boredom so they ran off leaving the other 44 still contemplating either to follow suit or show some pity and stay. And within these four months of being absent, I later discovered that I've missed too many things about my dearie sister bloggers.

I feel so bad.
Please forgive me.

Missed you much. All of you. That's for sure.




Please remember me in your duas. I need strength to finish my thesis. Just a li'l bit more.

Just a li'l bit more.....

Wassalam.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

A quiet celebration

The love of my life celebrates his birthday today.



No birthday wishes,
no cake,
no surprises,
no gifts,
no family gathering.

Just a long stare at each other 
and sweet smiles,
and some understanding.

And many,
many,
many,
 silent prayers for him.

I love him with all my heart...




Tuesday, May 3, 2011

While I was away...part 5/5 - Don't do this to me, baby!

“How is she now?” I asked one of the teachers who was helping my daughter to stand up. Aida Amani has been lying on the carpet of the nursery for quite some times, I was told.


“She has recovered, Alhamdulillah” replied the teacher.

I observed that she has put on fresh clothes.

“She vomited in her sleep. We have to clean her and change her clothes.” So that answered my question.

“Thank you, teacher.” I smiled to the teachers and took baby porcupine home.

Along the way Aida was quiet in the car. Her face was pale and her lips have no colour. But she was happy I came to fetch her home. She smiled, but I know she was tired. I thanked Allah, earlier today I suddenly canceled my plan to go to the office, or else I’ll not be able to fetch baby porcupine from the nursery.

As soon as we reached home, Aida Amani walked across the living hall straight to the TV couch and immediately lied down.

“Get some rest. You should sleep, baby. I’ll prepare your milk.”

In half an hour’s time, baby porcupine was fast asleep on the couch. I put my hands on her forehead, then under her armpit and her neck, trying to sense if she had fever. Nope, the temperature was normal. No sign of fever. Then why did she vomit in her sleep? To make sure that I was right, I took the thermometer and tested again. Negative.

I suddenly remembered that in the haste to fetch baby porcupine at the nursery I have forgotten to say my Zuhr prayer. Touching my growing belly, I contemplated either to climb the stairs and perform solat in my bedroom or simply perform it downstairs at the living hall. Well, considering that baby porcupine was not feeling well, I decided to pray at the hall, so much closer to her.

“Ya Allah, I am so tired today. I wish I could get some rest and leave everything behind.”

I was still on the prayer mat, sighing and praying silently to The Almighty, surrendering only to Him, seeking for His help. I was lost in trance for a few minutes, only to see baby porcupine waving her left hand towards me when I opened my eyes again.

“Baby?”

Aida Amani did not respond. It is funny to see her waving like that with her eyes shut tight.

“Baby, can you hear me? Are you okay?” I called again.

This time baby porcupine opened her eyes. Surprisingly, her wide-opened eyes stared at the ceiling and her body started shaking wildly. I panicked. I can sense something was terribly wrong. I dashed towards her and kept calling her again and again, but she did not seem to hear me. When I touched her I found out that her body was stiff. AllahuAkhbar!!! What happened to her?

I did not know what to do. I started to cry hysterically, at some times my voice turned uncontrollably loud. I tried to make her sit up, but she fell on her back almost immediately as if she has no backbones! So again I shrieked. By now both her eyes were all white and there were bubbles coming out of her mouth. With all the energy that was left in me, I lifted her up and tried to carry her to the bathroom. Halfway, my stomach started to feel painful. I have forgotten that I was pregnant. I have to put her down.

Aida was lying motionless on the floor, only a few feet from the bathroom. I shook her body, called her names and even slapped her twice in effort to make her gain consciousness. None of it worked. I collapsed beside her, tears were streaming my eyes that I can’t see clearly. Suddenly I thought of my husband. I dialed his office number frantically, and once when I heard his voice on the other end, I talked and cried at the same time, so bad that he did not understand a word I said.

Useless attempt.

Trying to tell him what happened when I myself could not understand what I was saying was tormenting. I threw the phone away. Again, I tried to lift up Aida Amani, the only thing I have in mind then was to bathe her with cold water. I didn’t know why that came across my mind and I didn’t even now if it is the right thing to do, but somehow I must try something.

Something else happened. In her state of being unconscious, I saw vomit started to come out from her mouth and nose. A lot of it!!! I screamed my lungs out. I got up on my feet and immediately dragged her to the bathroom, leaving behind the trails of vomit along the way. Then I saw something else. Together with the vomit, there was also urine. She urinated! Ya Allah! What is happening to my child?

In the bathroom, I tried to make her sit on the floor but failed. I have to bathe her while she was lying on the floor. I kept screaming her name and told her to stay with me. Her clothes were all wet. She shivers. Yet I knew she was unconscious.

The doorbell rang. I rushed to open the door. Three of my closest neighbours came to help. They told me my husband called and asked them to check on me and see if everything is alright.

“No! it’s not alright! I don’t know what happened to my baby!” I cried.

Sister Azila hugged me and comforted me, while sister Diya and brother Fadzil went to the bathroom and took care of baby porcupine. They replaced her wet clothes with a new one. Brother Fadzil then carried her to his car and took her to the hospital. They acted so fast. I am grateful to them three till this very day.

At the emergency room, the MO and several other staff started to run some tests on Aida Amani. They took her vomit and blood samples, checked her eyes, monitored her body temperature and some other stuff I don’t understand to explain here. Later a pediatrician came to see me. The test results were in his hands.

“How long has she been unconscious?” he asked.

“About five minutes or so.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Why are you asking, doctor?”

“Her temperature when she arrived here was 42 degree Celsius. That was extremely high. We adults could not tolerate a temperature that high, what more a child like her. It if happened more than ten minutes, your daughter could have brain damage.”

I stared at the doctor’s face. My mind was blank.

“But you did the right thing to reduce her temperature when you bathe her. Good work.”

“But doctor, I’ve checked on her temperature earlier. It was normal.”

The doctor then explained to me that when a patient’s body temperature rise higher than 38 or 39 degree Celsius, the brain will produce a signal that resulted blood vessels to shrink. Less blood will be pumped to reach beneath the skin. As a result, body temperature will appear normal as if patient has no fever. The use of ordinary thermometer could not detect the high temperature. Only thermometers with high sensitivity can detect it accurately.

“At home without the thermometer, what you can do is touch her hands and feet and see if they are cold. I mean, very cold. In your daughter’s case, the hands and feet have already changed colour to blue black because there’s no blood circulation. Even her lips have turned black. Did you not notice that?”

Masya-Allah. That was totally new to me. I didn’t know what to look for in this kind of situation, so I did not notice any of these changes on Aida. In addition, none of the family members had ever have such experience. She's the first to have it. Poor baby porcupine.

Later my husband arrived at the hospital. I immediately broke down again when I saw him. Who cares what people around me would think when they saw me crying like a baby? I was too emotional. What happened at home just now was something that will haunt me forever.

"We have reduced her temperature. She is okay for now, but she has to be admitted. We need to monitor her from time to time." The doctor left us to sit with our daughter for a while before a nurse came and arranged to send her to a ward.

And so my baby porcupine was admitted for ten days. Ten harrowing days of her life when she battled with the rise and fall of her temperature. At times she sat up in bed and asked for food and toys, at other times she just laid flat unmoved as if asleep. Alhamdulillah, she showed good progress every day. Baby porcupine is a strong fighter. I did not dare leave her side, so I stayed in the same room like a squatter. Oh! Gosh! Every inch of my body ached!

I understand now what attacked my daughter was something common for children at the age between 6 months to 6 years old. She experienced what is termed as febrile fits. Uprolling eyeballs, drooling of saliva, vomiting, urinating are the normal symptoms of febrile fits. This type of fever could be repetitious, which means, it could attack again in future. Immediate action must be taken to reduce the temperature. To my relief, I also get to know that such attack normally is not dangerous. But parents need to be extra careful, because the same symptoms explained above could also indicate the existence of meningitis, which is of course deadly.


When I write this post, I was sitting at the same TV couch where Aida was attacked with fits while she was sleeping. It was like a movie being replayed in my mind, I could clearly see myself desperately trying to wake her up and hopelessly crying when everything I tried resulted in only more panic discoveries.

It was painful. I don't want to go through it again. Ever.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Monday, March 28, 2011

While I was away...part 4/5 - Pimp my ride Malaysian version!


http://www.mtv.com/shows/pimp_my_ride/season_5/series.jhtml


I've mentioned in my previous post that our good neighbour whom we depended on to send and fetch our children to and from school has migrated to Melbourne, Australia recently. We have to find another alternative as a mean of transportation for the children and we have to find it fast so that the problem won't affect the children and their study. The children can actually take the bus to school, but my worry is on the prolonged hours they will have to spend on the journey as the school bus make its rounding to cover several big residential areas. Actually I've tried the school bus before, but pity the children, they only reached home after Maghrib adhan was over. By the time they have cleaned themselves and sat for dinner it was almost 9pm. They were then so tired that they fell asleep even before they managed to finish the food in their plates!!!

The only way to solve this problem is to send and fetch them ourselves, but that would need us to get another car because I drive our mpv to work everyday and I can't reach home on time to fetch the children from school. My husband, who prefers to ride his motorbike wherever he goes, can reach home much earlier, but without a car he simply can't bring them home, unless he train his children how to become circus monkeys performers.

I can't imagine seeing my husband and children riding on a bike like this.....
Pic taken from Nissan Grand Livina hillarious advertisement on TV.

But alhamdulillah, truly Allah provides us with all our needs if we asked from Him in our duas. It so happened that one day, another neighbour told us he wanted to sell his old car because he wanted to buy a new one. We know this person well enough to trust his words that his 2004 model Perodua Kelisa is still in good condition. So, after a 30 second 'test drive' of the petite car, we bought it without further question, at a selling price 41% below the market value!!!

No one is ever so excited with the existence of the second hand car but my husband. He started to day dream about making some refurbishment works on the car so that it would not look too 'old' at its age. At the end of the day, we decided to repaint the car, change its upholstery completely from fabric to leather, modify its engine, tint the windows, change the tyres and install a cd player. Even after incurring all these costs, we can still sell the car and profit RM3,000 from it!

I attached below the before and after pics of the car. The mechanic did a wonderful job with the engine. Smooth, fast, lightweight. It totally feels like driving a brand new car. As a matter of fact, now I am feeling like my mpv is so heavy!



The second hand Kelisa, before the make over

Dusty interior with faded fabric upholstery

...and dirty engine too!

At the workshop where the mechanic and his gang dismantled every parts of the engine

The car looked rather scary at this point

Out went the dirty parts, in came the new parts through the dismounting process


And the result after two whole week in the make over process......



The same car, after the make over
  
Many people told us it's the body paint that makes it look gorgeous


The third day we park the car outside our compound, a stranger approached my husband and asked,



"Are you selling this car? I am interested to buy it"

  
*speechless*
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